Selfishness
by Kyla1
Summary: Q puts Kathryn in heaven and Chakotay in hell, leading them both to discover the same thing. Everyone is allowed to be human.


Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Rating: G  
Was originally intended to be a humour but then I thought it actually dealt with some good stuff, so now it's a general.  
Summary: Q places Kathryn in heaven and Chakotay in hell and in their own separate ways they learn that even Captains are allowed to be human sometimes.  
Feedback: please please please please! This is my first non angst thingy! Be grateful!   
  
  
  
Selfishness   
  
"Hello Kathy!"  
"Hi Q," Q grinned broadly at the captain who was lying on the couch opposite him.  
"How are you?"  
"Absolutely fine," Kathryn Janeway stood up, easing the cricks out of her neck, put there by the couch where she had slept the last night. Though not voluntarily she might add.  
"Sure? You look tense." Q probed her, "Like here," He moved over and poked her back, sending a quick spasm of pain rippling down her tired muscles.  
"Thanks Q," Captain Janeway grimaced and stretched.  
"You look tired Kathy," Q persisted determined to get to the root of the problem, "And washed out." Kathryn laughed.  
"You sure know how to make a girl feel wanted." She shook her head moving over to her desk. "Now if you'll excuse me..." The desk materialised into thin air. She spun round, her ready room had disappeared and instead of it she was standing on an exotic beach with white sand and sparkling blue sea, the sun was beating down on her back. "Q!" Her shout fell on deaf ears.   
"Great (!)" There was a note in front of her. She bent down to pick it up.  
*Have fun Kathy, and relax*   
"Massage madam?" A handsome tanned man approached her carrying a massage table wearing nothing but a towel wrapped round his waist, in his other hand he was carrying a tray filled with massage oils. Kathryn's mouth fell open. Well she supposed she could do with a rest.  
  
Chakotay entered the ready room.  
"Captain?" He stopped, he was sure she was in here. The computer had said she was just 3 minutes ago. A padd was lying on her desk, he went over to investigate.  
*Don't worry, I'll give her back in one piece, Q*   
"Damn," Chakotay slammed his hands down on the desk and strode back onto the bridge muttering dark curses.  
"Isn't she in there?" Tom asked curiously.  
"Q," Chakotays muttered reply reflected his anger.  
"Okay," Tom ducked his head back to his work trying to avoid the seriously pissed off first officer.   
  
12 hours later and Captain Janeway still hadn't turned up. Chakotay had abandoned his chair and was instead pacing the bridge, causing all the crew members to dive for their lives as he approached them, his face knotted in a scowl.  
"You will not help by taking it out on us," Tuvok looked up from his console as Chakotay nearly walked straight into Harry for the 5th time. Chakotay collapsed back into his chair drumming his fingers on the side.  
"Just wish I knew where she was." He muttered through his clenched teeth.  
  
"That's the spot right there, little bit harder, push! Ah, thank you." Kathryn turned round and smiled at the young man who was giving her, her second massage of the day. She sighed out of pure happiness and got to her feet. So far she had, had two massages, a sauna, a mud bath and a leisurely swim. Now all she needed was a nice cocktail, as if on cue one of the waiters walked up to her holding a sparkling drink with a little umbrella.  
"Oh, I love these!" She grinned at him and sipped the drink leisurely lying back on one of the sun beds as a cool breeze drifted by. "Oh by the way," She stuck out a hand, stopping the man in his tracks, "You don't know what the time is do you?"  
"7 o'clock madam," The waiter hurried off. Kathryn lay back on her bed and then jerked up.  
"Shit!" She forgot for a moment that she was only wearing a towel and it fell open, exposing her for all to see. The men goggled as she hastily gathered it up again. "Okay Q!" She shouted up into the still sunny sky. "I'm ready to go back now, I'm relaxed!" She waited, "Q?!" Then she collapsed back again.  
"What the hell is he playing at now," She muttered to herself, oh well seeing as she was stuck here she might as well enjoy it.  
"Waiter, another cocktail please."  
  
Q appeared in the middle of the bridge on voyager, Chakotay jerked upright and the rest of the crew winced, waiting for an outburst.  
"Q," He began, but then Q vanished. Chakotay stopped with his mouth still open. Then Q reappeared.  
"No, not there either." Chakotay started forward.  
"Q!"   
"Ah Chuckles!" Q grinned looking a bit unsure of himself, "I take it you want to know where Kathy is?" Chakotay nodded, not trusting himself to speak. "Well you see there's a bit of a problem," Q looked embarrassed now.  
"Problem?" Chakotays quiet voice dripped with venom.  
"Well you see I've been very busy today with all my responsibilities and all I just..."  
"Just what Q?" If looks could kill Q would be buried somewhere by now (that is of course if Q's could be killed, annoying buggers that they are.)  
"Well," Q smiled, "It's quite funny really!"  
"Is it?" Chakotay didn't look like he found it very funny. Q's smile froze on his face.  
"I'veforgottenwhereIputKathy," He managed to say in one breath with his eyes closed.  
"You've forgotten where you put the captain of this ship." Chakotay spoke with quiet deliberation.  
"Yes," Q grinned broadly, "Glad to see you're taking it so...well?" Chakotays face went purple.  
"Um, bye!" Q departed hurriedly.   
"Q!" Chakotays scream was useless. He looked up at all the crew members watching him, they quickly bent their heads and became suddenly busy, even Tuvok avoided his gaze.  
"Excuse me," He walked out of the bridge to the ready room.  
For a minute there was silence. Then Chakotays yell echoed through the bridge causing them all to wince.  
  
Kathryn in the meantime was having the time of her life. Having resigned herself, without much persuasion to being there for the long haul she had found herself a room in one of the convenient hotels by the beach. She had a gorgeous room with a balcony and her own personal Jacuzzi. She stood on her balcony in her bath robe letting the cool evening breeze caress her body. She felt more alive and awake than she could remember feeling in a long while, all without the aid of coffee, her auburn hair fell loose down her back already tinted with streaks of blonde. One thing she could say for Q, he had taste. She smiled looking over at the silhouettes of the blowing palm trees against the beautiful sunset. She turned and walked back into her room. On her bed was laying a beautiful red dress, it was silk. She took off her bathrobe and slipped it on. She went to examine herself in the mirror, her breath caught, it was beautiful. It swept down to her ankles highlighting her chest and hips the neckline was low but not to low. There was a long slit up one side ending at her thigh and the sleeves rested just off of her shoulders. Beside her lay some matching high heeled shoes and at her dresser there was a diamond necklace and a red rose. She clipped the necklace on and tucked the rose in her hair. A knock at the door disturbed her.  
"Miss Kathryn," One of the waitresses poked her head round, "The dance is just starting." She smiled,  
"Be right down," She told the young girl who immediately smiled back and left the room.   
"Well Kathryn," She told herself looking at the dazzling reflection, "Make the most of this it's about time you had some fun." Then she stood up and left Captain Janeway behind, determined for once to be Kathryn.  
She swept into the room, there was a dance floor in the centre filled with couples dancing lively dances.  
"Did it hurt?" A handsome man swept up to her side, she looked at him, surprised.  
"What?" She asked, bewildered.  
"When you fell down from heaven?" Despite herself she laughed, the man dimpled at her.  
"Sorry, chat ups aren't my strong point."  
"And receiving them isn't mine," She smiled back at him, "I'm Kathryn Janeway," It was so nice to say that without the Captain part.  
"Micael," He caught her hand and kissed it, "Do you want me to try again with the chat up?"  
"I might overload," She joked, "It's been a long time since I've been complimented."  
"What!" He jerked back in mock horror, "A beautiful women such as yourself? Kathryn what kind of men have you been with?"  
"The professional kind," She wished he hadn't said that, it reminded her of Voyager and for a fleeting moment she worried about the ship. Micael pulled her close and whispered in her ear.  
"They don't know what they're missing," She laughed again, "Such a beautiful laugh," Micael held her hands, "I wonder, if perhaps the beautiful Kathryn Janeway will dance with me?"  
"I don't know how," She admitted,  
"I will teach you!" Before she could object he put his hands around her waist and whisked her onto the dance floor. The world, voyager, her troubles all spun away and Kathryn was left just dancing in the middle of the room.   
  
Chakotay was not having a good day. So far he had done hundreds of reports, sweet-talked their way out of a battle with some very hostile aliens and reconciled Tom and B'ellanas marriage. Not to mention complimented Neelix's food, that was the hardest part. Now it was three in the morning he was still working his way through a load of padds and trying to stomach some coffee. He took another gulp and nearly spat it out.  
"How the hell does she live on this?" He sighed and bent his head over the padds once more.  
"That's what I ask myself so many times," Q walked over from the corner of a room. "How does she live on this existence?" Chakotay flopped back in his seat, not even bothered to yell at the being.  
"What do you mean Q?" Q looked up at him,  
"The amount of times I have come in here to find her in the exact same position you are in. Sometimes every night, sometimes she even sleeps here." He gestured at the padds on the desk.  
"You are having trouble with only half of her workload after only one day of doing it." Chakotay ran his hands through his hair.  
"I know Captain Janeway works to hard but she doesn't listen to me! I can't stop her." Q shook his head.  
"Nagging will not help Kathy and it never will, you must actively do things."  
"What Q?" Chakotay was getting exasperated, "What can I do?"   
"Treat her like a person, not a captain occasionally. That's all she wants." Chakotay looked at Q frowning.  
"You know where she is don't you?" Q met his gaze,  
"Yes,"  
"Why don't you bring her back?"  
"She needs a rest," Q told him, "And you need to learn to appreciate her more." Q looked as though he was about to leave.  
"Is she ok?" Chakotay had to know. Q smiled,  
"She's in paradise. She deserves it."  
  
Kathryn had lost count of the amount of hours she had been dancing, she just knew it was lot's. Now she was walking hand in hand with Micael in the moonlight on the beach. She had discarded her shoes and walked barefoot in the sand, she undid her hair and let it fall down her back. She and Micael had walked without talking for ages, it was so perfect she half expected someone calling her to bridge as had happened so many times before. Micael stopped walking and pulled her to him.  
"What is it Micael?" She asked, he kissed her. Captain Janeway warned her to pull away but Kathryn won over. She closed her eyes and returned the kiss as his fingers ran through her hair.  
"I'm sorry," He said when they broke away, "You look so beautiful I couldn't help myself!" They stopped outside her hotel.  
"Well I guess this is goodnight," Kathryn looked at Micael, his brown hair and gorgeous chocolate eyes. His arms were tight around her waist, strong arms she had noticed earlier he was kind and funny. She gazed at him.  
"Will you come up to my room?" The words were out of her mouth before she even had time to think it through. She scolded herself, she shouldn't be so quick to jump in. She was supposed to think it through. What the hell! Another little voice said, you only live once. Micael squeezed his arms around her.  
"I'd love to,"  
They both managed to contain themselves as they walked to her room they stood side by side in the elevator barely touching and walked along the corridor separately. The second the door shut on them they fell together, their hungry mouths searching for each other. Kathryn's red dress slipped off easily letting Micael explore her body. She let out a soft moan as he found her most tender areas and made them alive. She felt for his clothes and tore them off in her hurry to be fulfilled after waiting so long. He swung her up and onto the soft bed still kissing her. When they met it was with such passion that she was shaking with the pure pleasure of it all. She never wanted this night to end.  
  
The next morning Kathryn awoke first to the sound of birds coming through the window, it was a beautiful morning with a clear blue sky. She rose out of bed and stretched then she turned and smiled with affection at the sleeping form of Micael in her bed. Rising up she put on Micaels blue shirt that he had discarded last night for want of anything else to wear and busied herself in her little kitchen area, making breakfast. She would have freshly squeezed orange juice for a change she decided. She heard a crash in the next room and Micael walked in buttoning up his trousers.  
"So that's where my shirt went," He yawned, "What's for breakfast?"   
"Bagels," she replied passing him a plate and heading out to the balcony. He followed her and sat down next to her.  
"So what are you doing this morning?" She asked biting into the fresh crunchy bagel smothered with cream cheese, she closed her eyes relishing the taste. He laughed at her.  
"I'm supposed to be teaching a class on scuba diving, but I can always cancel," He reached over and wiped a blob of cream cheese from her face.  
"No don't," She reached up and grabbed his hand, "I wouldn't want you to miss it, I was just going to do some quiet swimming."  
"Okay," he nodded.  
  
Chakotay woke up the next morning on the couch in the ready room. He winced as his tired muscles protested when he stretched. He looked ruefully it the padds he still hadn't got through despite working all night.  
"Q's right," He told himself, "Nagging definitely won't help." All through the night he had noticed he was doing exactly the same things he nagged Captain Janeway not to. But it had never crossed his mind to stop. He yawned and stretched his way onto the bridge.  
"The search for Captain Janeway has remained non-conclusive," Tuvoks eyes never even left the console as he delivered the crisp piece of information to the commander.  
"It will stay that way Tuvok," Chakotay collapsed into his chair, "Q knows where the captain is and he isn't giving her back."  
"Why?" Tom asked the question on everyone's lips.  
"He wants us to appreciate her more," It was silent while everyone digested this chunk of information. Chakotay stood up and grimaced, it was no use, the only thing that could save him now was coffee. I'm becoming more like Captain Janeway every day! He thought to himself.  
  
Kathryn was swimming in the deserted Olympic sized pool. Thoughts ran through her mind.  
What if Q leaves me here? Stroke...stroke Would that really be so bad? stroke...stroke. Yes of course it would I can't abandon voyager, breath...push What about Micael, what's going on there? Do you love him? Stroke...stroke, of course not he just made me feel wanted, human, not a just a necessary piece of equipment. Kick...kick, what else was it about him though? Maybe it was because he reminded you of a certain cute first officer. Kick...kick, well maybe just a little bit, but it was also the fact that he didn't know anything about voyager. He wasn't about to tell me to stop drinking so much coffee. He truly cared. She stopped swimming and yanked herself up the steps. She'd enjoyed being human for once without a care in the world. But she still was Captain Janeway of the star fleet federation and she always would be. It was a part of her now, this time away had made her realise that. She lay back on her towel and prepared to sunbathe. When Q finally took her back to voyager as she knew he would, she would be happy to go.  
  
Chakotay was in his quarters. They had told him to go get some rest after the coffee had done no good and he had fallen asleep in his chair. He sat thinking about what was happening.  
What if Q never brought Captain Janeway back? What would he do? He would Captain the ship of course he could handle the workload with the proper discipline. What about the rest of the crew? They respected him but they would miss Captain Janeway terribly. What about you? Well of course he'd miss Captain Janeway he'd miss her the worst of all, she was a remarkable women. What about Kathryn?   
The unbidden question that popped into his head surprised him What about Kathryn? He suddenly thought of Kathryn not Captain Janeway. The way she made him laugh, her concern for all her friends, her sparkling personality and sense of humour.  
"I would miss Kathryn," He said out loud realisation dawning on his face. "I would miss Kathryn."  
"You finally got it!" Q was grinning with delight, "Took you long enough!"   
  
"Kathy?" Kathryn frowned, who turned out the sun? Who was that voice? It sounded annoyingly familiar. She opened one eye cautiously.  
"Q! Finally," She jumped to her feet, then she looked round at her surroundings. "Where have you put me this time?"  
"You're in my quarters," Chakotays voice interrupted her, she spun round to look at him.  
"You do choose your moments Q," She glared at the being, "You could have waited until I was out of the bikini!" Q smiled and shrugged.  
"We'll see," Is all he would say ominously. Chakotay meanwhile was looking at Kathryn in shock. She looked fantastic, she was wearing a blue bikini with nothing on her feet. Her hair was loose and tumbling down her back with a natural wave set in, there were highlights of gold flashing in it. Her skin was tanned and her whole body looked relaxed, some of the lines that had been a part of her for so long had smoothed out just leaving the laughter lines that crinkled round her eyes when she smiled.  
"Q," She was turning to the being now, stopping him before he left. "If you see Micael can you tell him I'm sorry, and that I'll miss him." Q nodded in silent understanding then left. Kathryn turned round to look at Chakotay.  
"Well this is a fine mess."  
"You look great," He managed to say.  
"You look like hell," She told him bluntly, "Being a Captain's not so easy is it?" He laughed.  
"No," He admitted. Kathryn grinned back.  
"So how do I get back to my quarters without being seen by the entire crew and being all of the next few months gossip?"  
"Site to site transport?"   
"Clever man!" She smiled at him, "I now remember why I made you first officer." Then she left leaving Chakotay trying to sort out his jumbled up thoughts.  
  
Later on Chakotay was just finishing his shift when he got a message on a padd.  
*Come to holodeck 1*, Bemused he decided to do exactly what it said.   
"Hello?" He walked into the holodeck, it had been set to a new program, a kind of parlour.  
"Oh good you came!" Kathryn approached him, "Come over here," He followed her through the room.  
"What is this?"   
"Well I had such a lovely holiday and you've had such a hellish time I thought I'd better even it up." She pointed to a screen in the corner of the room. "Now go behind there and strip."  
"Pardon?" He was taken aback, he looked at her. She was laughing.  
"Don't worry I won't look!" she tossed him a towel and walked over to a little table. He crept behind the screen and gingerly stripped off wrapping the towel round his middle. He walked out, Kathryn had her sleeves rolled up and her hair shoved into a ponytail a few stray wisps brushed against her face.  
"Right now come and lie on your front on the table." He walked up and lifted himself onto his front.  
"I feel very vulnerable."   
"You should!" She joked, "Now lie still, and relax for gods sake!" He did as she told him and waited to see what was going to happen next. He jumped as her hands, covered in oil, began to knead his back, "Stay still!" She gave him a sharp poke in the back. He stayed put and closed his eyes as her hands eased out all the knots in his back.   
"Mmmm," He sighed in pleasure as she massaged away a particularly big knot. His whole body and mind felt relaxed apart from one question that was still niggling at him.  
"Who's Micael," The question made Kathryn's heart beat faster, she didn't know what to say.  
"He was just a good friend I made while I was away." Chakotay frowned, he was sure that wasn't all Micael was, her hands had become faster and her voice had a slightly excited edge to it at the mere mention of his name.  
"Are you sure that's all?" Kathryn's hands faltered in their rhythm and then stopped altogether as she remembered her night with Micael. Chakotay lifted his head from the table and sat up. He looked her full in the face, then realisation hit him.  
"You had sex with him!" She blushed but she didn't try to deny it. Chakotay looked shocked.  
"Why? What about the risk? He could have been a hostile alien for all you know! What about the crew?"  
"Maybe that's why I did it!" She broke through his tirade with an angry remark, "Micael didn't know about the ship, I didn't have to worry about what the crew would think, didn't have to worry about anyone interrupting us while we walking in the moonlight. I didn't have to be Captain Janeway, Micael made me feel human, that's all I wanted." Chakotay chuckled softly.   
"What?" Kathryn demanded,  
"Just something Q said, he knows you better than you think," Kathryn nodded.  
"He does," A comm badge interrupted them.  
"Bridge to Janeway," She sighed,  
"And in one motion everything goes back to normal." She wiped her hands on the towel and rolled down her sleeves, on her way out she tidied her hair and looked like Captain Janeway again in the matter of a few seconds leaving Chakotay sitting on the massage table wondering at the transformation.  
"Computer close the program." The massage parlour faded away as he got changed again.  
  
Kathryn Janeway walked back to her quarters, when she got there she walked straight to her bedroom without bothering to look at the living area. She got there and paused, on her bed was the dress she had worn to the dance. She crossed over to it and looked at the note.  
*I want you to have this, Q* She smiled and pressed the material up to her cheek. A clatter in her living room disturbed her and she grabbed her phaser. She crept slowly towards her living area holding the phaser in front of her. She sprang into the area pointing her phaser at the intruder.  
"Chakotay!" She sagged back in relief. "What are you doing here?" Chakotay gestured around him.  
"Isn't it obvious?" Laying around him was an enormous dinner and candle light. Her mouth dropped open.  
"How the hell?" She shook her head looking round at the food.  
"Everyone helped," He grinned, "It's called the 'welcome back' dinner." She smiled at him.  
"You didn't have to do this."   
"Yes I did," He crossed over to her, "I wanted to show you that you can still be human on this ship, you don't need to go away to do it." She smiled at him ruefully.  
"What about my reports?"   
"Already done," He leaned in close to her, "This is a night for you to be completely selfish. I don't think you've ever had one of those aboard voyager ever." He took off her comm badge and threw it into a drawer. "See?" She nudged him.  
"So go pour the wine then!"  
"Certainly...Kathryn," She smiled at him and sat down accepting the glass of wine.  
"Chakotay, I have to tell you something,"  
"What?" He looked at her questionably,   
"Micael, something I didn't tell you," She paused and took a sip of wine to calm her nerves, "One of the reasons I did what I did was because he reminded me so much of you and the things I could never have on voyager."  
"Never?" Chakotay leant towards her. She smiled at him in understanding.  
"I'll tell you later." He smiled back at her and moved over until he was sitting next to her with his arm resting on her back.  
"Now let's eat!"  
As the stars flew past on the ship Kathryn Janeway learnt how to be completely selfish.   
  



End file.
